Yesterday, my ex-girlfriend and former friend turned 21.
I thought about her yesterday wondering how she’d celebrate or what her boyfriend would do for her.
I haven’t talked to her in nearly a year and don’t have her number anymore. If I did, I would have wished her a happy birthday.
While she did do some horrible things to me and treated me terribly, I’ve moved past that and let it go. The bitterness, anger, and sadness that first hit have long disappeared.
As much as I don’t like to admit it, I think about her sometimes. We were friends for over five years and had been through a lot together.
In the end, what killed everything was the fact that I’m a simple person. I wanted the ‘just us’ time, I wanted to stay in some nights, and I didn’t want to party that much because I had done my share of that in the four years leading up to dating her. I was partied out while she was just starting to experience it for the first time.
To my knowledge, we’ve both remained unchanged.
We have a mutual friend who has for the most part given up on her. My ex is kind of wild when she drinks a little or smokes a little. But if she does a little too much of either, she’s out of control. I saw it plenty of times to the point she’d flirt with and try to kiss other men when we were out together.
I remain simple. I don’t party anymore because my heart isn’t in it and I’ve grown past that stage of my life. Instead, I hang out with my friends once in a while and we go out for a couple drinks. Unfortunately, I can never get all five of us together and the best I can usually do is three people.. but we make it work. Sometimes I roadie with my friend’s band and get to hangout with musicians and I like that a lot.
I remember one of the last talks we had. It was about jobs.
I had just been hired by my government agency and I told her I was going to do pretty well in a few years based on the structure of payscale.
She said a formal job “wasn’t for her”, and that she would probably busk for money at train stations in Philly. I’ve never seen her at the stations. From what I’ve gotten out of our mutual, her boyfriend doubles as a sugar daddy.. and because of that she doesn’t need a job.
In a lot of ways, I’m glad things worked out the way they did. I’d probably be broke because I’d have to pay for everything. Instead, I’m financially well off because I still live at home and just about everything I make is mine.
In the end, I think my overall simplicity and desire for an old school relationship wasn’t enough for her and she wanted more. In the end, I think she got what she really wanted.