I went numb this week.

It’s nearly 2 am on New Years Eve. I lay on the couch feeling empty, alone, and drunk.

I have gone outside minimally this week and have started drinking right after I woke up the last few days.

I think the feeling of emptiness and loneliness truly set in these last few days and I could only cope with it by drinking because I can’t do much anymore with my job and all.

I found out in the morning that the guys I was supposed to go out with for New Years Eve have each decided to make new plans of their own and I’m not part of any of their plans.. so I’m alone on New Years Eve.

I think about the things I was doing this time last year and how happy I was before I found out what was really going on. It was never really anything to write about and it was often one-sided in her favor, but at least I was able to wrap my arms around someone I had genuinely loved at the time.

Now I have nobody and nothing. I haven’t gotten out since before graduation with the guys. We were supposed to celebrate graduation together.. but it never materialized and it probably won’t.

I begin to see how my friends really are now. Like they wanted to just unload me after graduation.

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