Emptiness is setting in.

It’s a little after 4:30 am on a Wednesday. It’s my very last day of college today. My finals are all online and the next time I have to go back to my college is to graduate.

It should be a happy time in my life, but there is the feeling of emptiness more than anything.

Deep down, I don’t think I will see my friends again. Levi’s weekends are occupied with his girlfriend’s bodybuilding competitions, Chris’ weekends are occupied with his three bands, and Joe’s weekends are occupied with excessive partying. I just don’t fit into any of those places. I’ve helped Chris’ band with loading and unloading equipment before, but I haven’t done that in about ten months.

I had this deep talk with my dad last night about how I’ve felt like I’ve never belonged anywhere.

In private school, I was the fat poor kid that everybody made fun of.

In public school, I was the loner who could not make friends because by the time I got there in seventh grade, groups of friends are already established for a good half decade.

In community college, there is not a student body that actually stays on campus. People take their classes for the day and leave. I met a few people, but they’ve moved away for their jobs.

In a branch of a state university, the body of students does not exceed 1,500 students. For the first year, I didn’t like the school because I felt like I couldn’t connect with anyone. I would in my second year, but it was only with the friends I have now and their busy lives.

I don’t have anyone from my previous schools. I just know that I am going to live a lonely life after graduation.

 

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