The feeling of finally belonging.

I spent many years of my life not knowing where I belonged. I never really had a great social life with any circle of friends. Yeah, I had friends but we never really went anywhere.

I spent years with “whatserface” and we hung out a bit. But, even that wasn’t great despite her being my high school crush and later on my girlfriend. Most times it was just me and her and it was me babysitting her because it was her chance to break free from her parents. She was highly overprotected by her parents growing up and for some reason her mom really trusted me going to the city with her despite me being very open about certain things of my past that most mothers would not be happy about. My friends never really liked whatserface and were very vocal about not wanting her around and not liking her.

They didn’t like her because she would always invite herself to things that only I was invited to and everyone hated that. She even invited us to things only her friends were invited to and insisted that we went despite neither of us being invited.

(Quick story: New Years Eve was the biggest example of that. Her friends were invited to a party, neither of us were, and they pretty much told her that we couldn’t go because the guy throwing the party didn’t know us).

I’m just happy that’s all over. I don’t have to fake smile my way through pictures until someone gets the “right angle”, I don’t have to spend a Sunday night in a hookah lounge while a million freaking pictures are being taken, and I don’t feel forced into going to house parties where I feel totally out of place. It’s all such a relief that I don’t have to worry about any of that anymore. I can also drink in a restaurant because we’re all of age. I also don’t get my hopes up anymore being told I’m getting to go somewhere and then like an hour before leaving getting a phone call being like “Oh, sorry. We don’t have room in the car for you” or “The driver doesn’t want to take you. Find a different way there and we’ll meet up” with her knowing that I couldn’t arrange plans that quickly and would constantly send me Snapchats of literally everything she was doing and rubbing it in my face.

After I broke it off and distanced myself from her, I was able to reconnect with lost friends of the past and hung out with them almost every weekend for the first month after the break up. They’ve got lives too though and I haven’t seen some of them in a little bit. I also kind of feel out of place because they’re mostly couples and it’s not an ideal match.

What is an ideal match is the new circle of friends that formed this semester. It’s kind of weird how we formed though. We formed out of a group project for our Finance class. Three of the four of us also have another class together and it helped us grow closer because we would spend about an hour together after that class just hanging out and going on mini “field trips” after class. It was nothing special. It was like going to a trail near school and exploring, or getting Levi allergy medicine at CVS, or just going to Chick Fil A for a snack. Finance also grew super draining towards the end, so we would go out for a little while afterwards and eventually end up playing parking lot frisbee. We make fun of each other quite a bit but it’s because we care about each other (and we’re just jerks to each other).

We’ve already got a concert together scheduled for the summer and also a Memorial Day weekend trip to the beach. I finally feel like I fit in somewhere. That I can be myself and I don’t have to filter myself and pretend to be things I’m not. I’m just Dave, the cyclist with huge legs. I’m known for being the loudest and one of the most sarcastic in groups of people and I like that I can do and be that.

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