Late thoughts.

on the 8th of the month, it will be one month since I’d last had any contact with her. Whether it’s by phone call or text, it will be a month. It’s not the longest we’ve not talked to each other as there was a six month hiatus two years ago. That time, we admitted we needed a break from each other and decided not to talk. This time, it just ended. The very last thing I ever texted her was “Shit happens. That’s life”.

I have no interest in ever being friends with her again nor would I ever consider dating her again. But, after a few beers in late at night, I think about her and how she’s doing or if she ever dated any of the eight guys she cheated on me with.

I loved her. I honestly did. Even when she was difficult, selfish, and all about her and never about us. But, I know her life and I know her path choices. They aren’t always the best and at times they get her in a lot of trouble. There would be nights when we were just friends where she’d do something and something would happen and she would ask for advice. As the harder rebel I once was, I still got a few tricks up my sleeve and could always get her out safely by giving her strategy. But now, she has nobody to give her strategy and she’s probably still going to parties, still getting wrecked, still getting abused by guys at parties, and still relying on someone at the party to help her out of her mistake. I did everything I could to be a friend and boyfriend to her.. but it ended in heartbreak and infinite sadness.

I often say I’m over her because I never really think of her.. but, when I do think of her it hits me in the feels and makes me think back to when times were good.

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