I can’t hold on to an empty space.

It’s been almost a month since the break up. The dust has settled in the last two weeks or so.

I try not to talk to her and have her blocked everywhere except for direct contact through text. I never text her first. She always contacts me first now and I will eventually answer. She tries to piece back together and be friends whereas I want absolutely nothing from her or anything to do with her.

She contacted me for the first time in two weeks last night. I was asleep when she sent it so I woke up to it. It was a text regarding her noticing that I blocked her literally everywhere I could think of. We texted briefly. She still tried to apologize and justify what she did along with the interest of trying to be friends again.

The thing with her though is that I don’t think it’s the friendship she wants. I think she wants the benefits (not those benefits). She’s been slowly realizing that nobody has the patience, honesty, faithfulness, care, and natural love like I had for her. That’s not my problem anymore. She’s not my responsibility anymore. I got to write pretty things to her for over five years and got to really develop my writing through that. That’s my bright side.

I live my life exactly the way I want to now and I want to keep it that way. I’m free and no longer getting hurt by someone who’s so narcissistic and misdirects anger at the people she loves (after the break up, I found out I’m not the only one she was verbally abusive towards).

I’m in a good place now and I want to stay there. If I let her crawl back into my life I don’t think I’d be able to stay in that place.

 

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