4:30 am on a Monday: rambles about the past, social life, and about future relationships.

It’s a little after 4:30 am on a Monday and I can’t sleep for some odd reason. I’ve laid here for over an hour and I’m on the couch because I fell asleep here.

I had a full weekend. I went out back to back nights and it’s been becoming more common for me compared to the hermit life I had for quite a while. Well, actually… I went out Friday night, came back and wrote the previous post, and then went back out Saturday morning before 10 am, and didn’t get back until close to 11 pm.

Single life has treated me very well. Back when I was dating, I didn’t get to go out very much or I went to places I didn’t like. Honestly though, I spent just about every weekend in because a) she would say that we were invited to a party [usually at Temple] but then like an hour before we would leave I would get a text reading something like “We have no room in the car to take you” or “The driver doesn’t want to take you” or b) we would go out but it would be where she wanted to go and I never got to pick because it was always about her and what she wanted. She gave zero compromise. We almost always ended up at a hookah bar or the same pizza place in Philly and she would take a million freakin’ pictures to prove to Snapchat and Instagram that she was out [I deleted all of the ones I had everywhere but if you’re friends with her on Facebook, she might still have pictures of us on her profile. If you look at the ones taken at like “Winter Jawn” in January, I have this really fake looking smile in all pictures because I was beyond sick of posing for pictures so she could get her “perfect” angle. It’s the kind of thing you put up with when you date a friend of five years.. only to have it end like three weeks later. I can’t verify if she still has any of them up because I have since blocked her on every social media platform because I just couldn’t deal with her anymore after the break up].

So, this would totally screw up my plans and I’d spend many nights at home while getting texts from her bragging about how much fun she was having and sending me Snapchats of her having a great time without me while she was clearly out of it. Stuff like this happened even before we dated. While we only dated for six weeks, we were unofficially a thing on and off since the spring.

My social life has grown so much in the near month since the break up. I get invited to so many things now and friends are no longer hesitant to invite me places because they no longer fear her inviting herself [which is a very common thing that she does to everyone.. it was super awkies when she invited us to a New Years party that neither of us were invited to but her friend was invited to]. My friends have been really good to me too since everything happened. Since the break up I’ve been invited to several parties, an underground concert, a hockey game, a bar crawl, and invited to just go on a day drive adventure because it was a nice day. I’ve gone to everything except the bar crawl because I had already been out back to back nights and was starting to feel run down. While I love going out, I always have to remember I’m not 18 anymore and can’t pull the same kind of things I did then. I can’t do sunset to sunrise partying because my body doesn’t let me anymore. Ideally, I leave at like 7 or 8 and come home at midnight or 1 and can do two nights of that. I’ve also become a regular at a friend’s house. I think his family likes me but I don’t know. He invites me over and I show up at his front door.

Two or three of my friends are also trying to play Cupid and set me up with girls. They all know my type. I love girls with tattoos or girls with an interest in art and wouldn’t mind getting lost in an art museum for a little while. Or even girls with the same taste in music that I have [I’m big on indie and alternative]. I’d also like her to be at least 21 so we could go out and not be restricted because of age. There’s this one girl I’ve had interest in for quite some time and she seems cool. I see her around once in a while but we never really talk. We usually just exchange head nods in passing. She has some cool tattoos but I don’t know about anything else and don’t know a whole lot about her. I’ve heard she has a boyfriend but I don’t know.

Whoever I date in the future, I just want my friends to like her. It was one of the biggest problems in my last relationship. Nobody wanted to be around her, even when we were just friends. They would also talk negatively about her behind her back but I would try and defend her. I just want everyone to be friends and have a nice thing going where everyone gets along.


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